New Moon in a Minute (Parody)

youtube.com - Parody of the travesty that is "New Moon."

Literally nothing happens in the entire movie. No, that's not an exaggeration. Here's a complete synopsis below of the actual film:

Edward leaves Bella after NOTHING HAPPENS at a party.
Bella spends a good third of the film wallowing in her misery instead of getting the hell over it.
Bella helps Jacob rebuild old motorcycles while NOTHING HAPPENS.
Bella leads Jacob on but NOTHING HAPPENS.
Edward almost kills himself BUT THEN DOESN'T.
Edward gets in a fight with the Volturi but IS THEN FORGIVEN.
Edward and Jacob make some kind of pact, THEN JACOB LEAVES.
Edward asks for Bella's hand in marriage, THEN THE CREDITS ROLL.

Now the movie itself is very pretty, the acting's fine, the soundtrack didn't piss me off, and the special effects are convincing. However, they don't distract me from the fact that the plot doesn't exist.